A funny story : Atlasi

- Compilation: Pratibha Thakkar

- pratibhathakker@yahoo.com

I'm...I'm not me. Just lost in my world of books, totally empty minded! Even my closest friend Rashi has really been the closest, right?! The jumble of thoughts...the jumble is tiring. A living, breathing, yet indirect being within me has gone away directly. I am completely empty! I want to share a lot with Rashi but my jinxed nature stops me.He understands me in many ways but I never admit it!Because I just don't tell anyone that I'm broken or sad. Wanted!

I am not a writer, but many sorrows are put into my two-liners or small verse compositions! How much a person has stuck to me! No one would believe that such a heart connection with a virtual person would have happened! If I was wrong with him in everything, I would get irritated, no matter how busy I was with daily video calls, but when his day came, I would go to work with new energy and enthusiasm would come. Itching, fighting, fighting, loving, caring for everything, I felt no need as much as her.

'Sir, chai ke saath kya khaoge?'Bahadur's voice cracked. I said, 'Nothing.. Just take tea or come.' He was also looking in awe. You might be thinking, 'Why has my boss, who used to eat ten times a day, now eats only once in a while apart from tiffin?'The appetite is starting to die, the weight is getting reduced. How about the old man? Everyone says that 'teenage love' is the most effective breakup because it lacks understanding but I think some mature middle age love that is imbued with full understanding will prove to be more understanding breakup! Does not die, does not live, does not tell anyone openly, this image of sexual nature holds back. How many thoughts!

Rashi's message clicked in the cell phone, 'Where did you go? Very busy! Now I'll post laughing emojis, write, start talking, it'll fake mood change and I'll chat showing my mood has changed by looking at his feelings! Yes, I'm not always sad even for an hour. I am constantly not without thoughts. I never fall back in the world, responsibilities, I am happy, I give time to everyone, I try one hundred percent to keep them happy. It is not that I will not find anyone else, but what if I want that? An image of Yu has been etched in the subconscious mind for years, which we are fond of with sweet strokes of imagination. I saw in him a perfect personality. We have never met but there was a promise that at a certain place when both of us will go on a journey to a favorite place at the end of our lives, we will meet there. That's it, I am still waiting for those days. It is impossible when you are connected with your mind and soul. She has gone away for some insignificant reason. But still she will come to the meeting place of our life, it is sure that she will not break promises!

I am living the contradiction that love is strength and love is weakness right now! Someone's unconditional love succeeds to some extent to get me out of those thoughts, but it has become a breath in me, then ten breaths of 'I am' It keeps knocking! I often say that 'pain is my favorite subject'. But now I have become a pain sufferer! People close to me could feel it sometimes, but only I am blessed with this atlasy feeling. I think!

It is certain that I will never demand those feelings from him. I will make myself so strong. 'Really?'

Now with the shutter of the office, the shutter down of thoughts! Screaming loudly from inside..'No..No..I can't be such an Atlasi'. I left for home!

As soon as they reached home, the children were wrapped up. The wife had gone out from work. It was getting late at night. The daughter said, 'Dad, let's make something and give mom a surprise.'I don't know anything special, but I understood the feelings of a wise daughter very well and we started making dal khichdi. I will go, but at a very young age, I will find it in the designated place, I do not give up hope!

******

Kichood...Kichood..the sound of hiccups, while enjoying cricket on TV with that sound, Nanaji was sometimes like this, Prema came to know that old diary while cleaning Nanaji's closet! Heck...what a worn-out page of so many rains and Nanaji's letters written in it! If Prema was educated, she learned Gujarati only in English medium only with mom's insistence and natural understanding! Sixteen-year-old Prema was very close to Fit N Fine Nanaji even at the age of eighty-eight. When she came to stay on vacation, the cheerful and jovial Nanaji would sometimes be quite calm and deep in thought with her eyes closed and she could feel the pain on her face.

Today there were discussions between mom and dad about where to go to which pilgrimage place with Nanaji. Naniji had put down the weapon. "I can't come, so take them, I won't be able to travel. I will stay here with Prema." But Prema had changed her mind. Naniji, you should call Panthamasi, I will go to Haridwar with my dear Nanu' suddenly the hiccup stopped. Nanaji almost screamed. 'I don't want to go anywhere. And never to Haridwar.' Strong words and strong intentions came from Nanaji. Now tears came to Prema's eyes, she went to Nanu, narrowly hiccupped, sat down comfortably next to Nanu, lovingly placed her hand on Nanaji's cheek, kissed Nanaji's hand sweetly and said, 'My dashing Nanu, I am your most Am I a dear daughter? And as stubborn as you, right? If you don't come, I'll never come here to see you...No, no!' Prema's little one got angry, 'Tu Hai Ne Hao...' spoke up and filled the room.

Now where did you remember anything except that? No contact with anyone, who is doing what, where, who is living, dying, no one wanted to know. She had died before the rain. But... it was not forgetting, not forever, but definitely Time's memories were full of presence! Maybe that's why there was a passionate desire to accept love's stubbornness in the mind!

*****

With the insistence of love and the insistence of the people of the house, I reached Haridwar. Haridwar means the roar of the river Ganges, countless temples, groups of monks in saffron vo, mesmerizing sounds of Vedic hymns and divine sanctity! Who can escape from such unholiness!

In no time it was time for Gangaarti! Nanaji's face was constantly changing emotions! Prema was watching with a faint smile! Suddenly...suddenly, a soft hand touched Nanaji's hand holding the lamp for aarti! And Nanaji's eyes started to rain. She said, 'I was sure you would come...'

With a golden frame in front and completely whitened hair, he replied, 'Don't let your faith go wrong...'! The aarti started and Prema watched Nanaji's impatience with the tears flowing from her eyes!

- Kuntal Bhatt (Surat)